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The white missionary George Dickentwats The lady from Wheeling's an aunt. A descendant of Vasco Da Gama Though she looks upon sex as unclean, The lady from Thun quite agrees: Genealogists Martin and Rowens A seamstress divulged 'midst her sobbin' Baby Bonus in Canada's grand, McCaughey's made a contribution, (live septuplets born 1997)
A feckless young swimmer named Herman Said a father, from near Metabechouan, A fertile young housewife named Scott A nubile young maiden from Weir A real virile fellow from Needham There was a young fellow of Brum, As his wife dropped her twenty-third kid, There was a young man called Carruther, Watch out for that babe in Madrid To his wife sneered a satyr named Strothers, We've got all the new sex devices! There was a young man of Racine There once was a Swedish inventor named Dag, (...but some hair and his bag.)
In order to earn some subsistence Duct tape? It will work in a pinch Not only for taping a duct, I know very well how a man Come and see our French goods - you can try 'em. Try our Rubber Girlfriend (air inflatable), None could better our sex limousine, The wealthy old man from Racine The newest last line to "Racine," add 7% sales tax. Batteries not included".
A broke Western bar owner, Mull, In the year 2121 In the year 2222 In the year 4444 In the year 4646 In the year 5353 In the year 6868 In the year 6969 In the year 7010 An electric inventor named Gene While making a sperm-bank deposit, Surveillance -- a terrible thing. We'll have cyber clit-cock connect They'll build you a nano-scale net When Jed screwed a horse made of plastic, My friends, if from sex you're refraining, It appears the Machine Age was gaining There was a young man from Biloxi The sex-toy we tried was a hooter; A girl with high morals, Miss Ewing, Why not make love to a machine? Doll manufacturers I'm urgin'; And Catholic priests? They could toy I got a reply to my rhymin', Are you elderly, sex-starved or lonely? Long ago, some depraved good-old-boys I have one of those toys in a drawer I fantasize, tugging my pride; A serious young fellow of Lerdes Pedantic Professor MacNeal However a fellow named Chase The inventor bent down in a crouch A little old man from Rangoon One night by the light of the moon, Three little old men from St. Paul
Was sent to enlighten the Hottentots.
His missionary zeal
And resolve, strong as steel,
Explains the large group of MULLATTO tots.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Her niece was born somewhat aslant.
She has extra eyes,
But that's no surprise,
Down wind from Dow Chemical's plant.
--- Larry Davis P8507
Overcmae a sun bather in Palma.
In the general confusion
He performed a transfusion...
And today Palma has a new mama.
--- Grand Prix Lim 900
Scores of satyrs have mounted Miss Bean.
Each time that she's weakened,
She's found herself fecund,
And her bastards now number sixteen.
--- G1728
"Strange liasons don't always please;
The man came too soon,
And I, late last June,
Gave birth to a wedge of green cheese."
--- Ed Potts P8507
Had no problems researching the Bowens,
But pursuing the lines
Of the Cedars and Pines,
Amid all the Pines they found Cohens. (pine cones)
--- Loren Fitzhugh
She'd been pricked by a tailor named Robin.
The result of her sins
Was a paper of pins,
And some red and white thread on a bobbin.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1720
But Quebec makes a greater demand.
When a horny Quebecker
Sticks his wife with his pecker,
The taxes go up through the land.
--- Albin Chaplin
The first time in man's evolution.
As they beget
A new septet,
They are guilty of heir pollution.
--- Tom Patton P9801
Got hitched to his own cousin German.
They had several kids
With pretty bad ids,
Two sex fiends, one whore, and a merman.
--- Armand E Singer 528
To his son, "I just wanted to let you on
To a secret, you slug --
You are now on the rug
That your mother and I did beget you on."
--- Keith MacMillan 40c
Had youngsters all over the lot.
Her organs proliferous,
Abnormally oviferous,
Sure helped tax deductions somewhat.
--- Armand E Singer 266
Complained that her stomach felt queer.
It grew fatter and fatter
Up until she begat her
Unwanted third kid in a year.
--- Armand E Singer 118
Had sixteen fat brats -- could he breed 'em! --
But he let them all croak,
Saying, "Damn it, I'm broke;
I see no good reason to feed 'em!"
--- Armand E Singer 764
When told that his baby had come,
Danced 'round with great glee,
Till they said that there's three!
And he then looked exceedingly glum.
--- Illustrated Lims P9604
The lazy hillbilly named Tidd
Said, "It seems kind of silly
I would do that to Tillie,
And I wonder, sometimes, if I did?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 226
Who had twins by a surrogate mother.
At the moment of birth,
She pulled in her girth
And out popped two more from his brother.
--- Rick Limmer T9711
Who claims that you fathered her kid...
Since you've rumpled most beds,
And the kid has two heads,
It's dollars to doughnuts, you DID!
--- Grand Prix Lim 461
Who had umpteen more kids than her brothers,
"Though maybe you've prayed
I'd let you be spayed,
I intend to make dozens of others."
--- Armand E Singer 216
You can taste-test pussy in slices!
We've hooters and cooters,
Inflatable pooters!
At everyday, low, Wal-mart prices!
--- Anon
Who invented a fucking machine.
'Twas a mine of gold,
The stock being sold
By Merril Lynch, Fenner & Beane.
--- G2193
Who built a contraption that knew how to shag.
In a manner obscene
He was sucked into the machine,
And nothing was left but his balls and some cream!
--- G2017a
A couple led separate existence.
They had duplicates made
By the best in the trade,
And each other they screwed at long distance.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1908
By covering up that last inch,
So no stray gamete
Will leak from my meat;
When yanked off, I'll holler and flinch.
--- Randog
It's the product so often I've plucked,
When lacking protection,
For my raging erection,
And needing its help to get fucked.
--- Hugh Clary
Who has to just do what he can;
Yet why dress your length
In industrial strength,
When there's always a box of Saran.
--- John Miller
Fit them on for right size when you buy 'em.
Strong, smooth, and reversible,
The thinnest dispersible;
Any odd shape you need, we supply 'em.
--- Anon G0111
Perennially young (quite insatiable).
Our satisfied clients,
From midgets to giants,
Say she's incrediblely sexy and mate-able.
--- Anon G0112
With its neat, built-in Fucking Machine.
Diesel-powered, this connects
To suit either sex,
And adjusts to the fat and the lean.
--- Anon G0113
Who invented the fucking machine
Said, "One thing made it sell
So remarkedly well --
The endorsement it got from the Queen."
--- A N Wilkins P8507
Is up-to-date, apt, and it's clean;
No scansion, no rhymes,
But it fits modern times:
"Allow six weeks for delivery. Wisconsin residents
--- Ed Potts P8507
Just changed his mechanical bull
From a bucking machine
To a fucking machine,
And now every night, he's full.
--- Anon
Computer sex has begun.
You'll have a peripheral
To provide the visceral
Emotions that make sex such fun.
--- Puff Adder
This is file del
People will no longer screw.
They'll take a pill
For an orgasmic thrill.
You won't need me nor I you.
--- Puff Adder
Men will use an electronic whore.
Her vagina will hum
And analyze your come,
So that your DNA can be stored.
--- Puff Adder
A robot with multiple pricks
Will achieve the goal:
To plug every hole,
All at once in a single trick
--- Puff Adder
People will find it hard to see.
Sister and Brother
Will look like each other,
As their genital organs atrophy.
--- Puff Adder
People will start to ponder their fate.
Men will be blue
And women too.
Big Brother says sex not so great.
--- Puff Adder
As if from heaven there came a sign;
The act that signifies
Will not be denied.
They start a practice from an early time.
--- Puff Adder
People will start fucking again.
Women in bed,
Legs open and spread.
Power to the Penis, let men be men!
--- Puff Adder
Perfected a fucking machine.
In a horrible manner,
It grabbed his banana,
And all that was left was a scream!
--- G2017
A gay said, "I do it because it
Feels wonderfully keen
To be blown by machine,
Instead of some queen in a closet."
--- Norm Storer
But I've got the means for a fling.
These nano-implanties,
Just drop in your panties
And shortly you'll feel a small zing.
--- H Welchel
That runs on when we both are erect.
As I rub my tip,
Your clit feels the grip
Of five tiny fingers, Purr-fect.
--- H Welchel
Of neural transducers all set
To transpond with mine.
They'll live in your spine;
From waist-down strange feelings we'll get.
--- H Welchel
The ranch hands exclaimed, "Ain't that drastic?
With the real thing in sight
And the cows free all night?"
"But these mares won't run, they're fantastic!"
--- Actaeon
The vibrators and dildoes are gaining.
Though computers we master,
The machines can fuck faster,
And we spend our whole lives in retraining.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2195
On the whores of a madam named Blaining.
The machines could fuck faster
And new tricks did they master,
So the whores were sent out for retraining.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1527
Who did all his screwing by proxy.
His girlfriend, how sad,
Was equally bad,
She got hers by douching with Moxie.
--- G2086
Its gender, they tell me, was neuter.
And you'll get quite a laugh
If you stick in your staff.
It tickles the spunk from your shooter.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Said sex would not be her undoing.
She felt good when she sneezed
And it left her so pleased,
That she used it in place of a screwing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1853
The best sex substitute ever seen.
Users say that it's great.
Send $10.98
To Novelties, Box 10, Racine.
--- A N Wilkins P8703
Their profits most surely would burgeon.
Much cash they'd be takin'
From vicars by makin'
Some sex-dolls of Mary the Virgin.
--- Tiddy Ogg
All week with a rubber-doll boy;
Though God only knows if
They'd go for a Joseph
Or Jesus for ultimate joy!
--- Peter Wilkins
From Rubberoid manager, Simon.
"It sounds good to me,
But problems I see
To make a renewable hymen."
--- Tiddy Ogg
We can help you, Just write "Tone Me."
At Gateshead-on-tyne
We stock every line
Of sex aid--best quality only.
--- G0110
Feeling kinky, praised wind-up sex toys.
"You need strong hands to wind 'em;
Then pause 'fore you grind 'em;
Snapped mainsprings have made guys lose poise!"
--- Allen Wolverton
To play with, behind a closed door.
I just use it only
When I'm feeling lonely
And in need of a little "amour".
--- Jeanie
A live one's much better astride;
But if someone should knock
On the door, say, ad hoc,
A boy-toy is harder to hide!
--- Allen Wolverton
Concluded that talk was for birds;
For no word will replace
What the eye can embrace,
And a picture's worth one thousand words.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2168
A learned remark did reveal --
Although pictures do please,
Yet one thousand of these
Will not match what one gets from a feel.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2169
Remarked that though feels have their place,
His thinking reveals
It takes one thousand feels,
Just to equal a fucking embrace.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2170
And said (holding his testicle pouch)
"I forgot that my lawn
Mowing robot called Dawn
Had those spring-loaded pussy-flaps. Ouch!"
--- Anon
Kept coming in bed much too soon.
It always caused strife
'Tween him and his wife.
"You might as well screw a balloon!"
--- Marlene Lewis
He vanished, despite the monsoon.
He came back with an ape
With a bum like a grape,
"Oh sorry! Did you say BALLOON?"
--- Indiana Millwart
Had weiners exceedingly small.
I'd not know what to say
When they asked me one day,
"Can we borrow your Barbie Doll?"
--- Marlene Lewis
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