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Are you talking of Limburger cheese, An avid cheese lover named Smitty A limburger lover was Fox; Whilst eating a piece of Lymeswold, There was a cheese maker named Titehouse, While eating a piece of Lymeswold, On top of a mountain of cheese, There once was a young Irish Celt, She hosts her own cheese potpourri One Sunday morning at three, A lady once ate some red Leicester, Serena is known coast-to-coast, She certainly does; and her cheese There was an old sailor named Jock, A cook in the College of Caius (Keys) (overcharged for 8000 pounds [money])
A dutchman who dwelt in Dundee, There was a young man who said "Please, A man who knew cheese to perfection When purchasing cheese, Mr.Scott A milkmaid whose name was Louise There was a young lad from Cheddar, When cider is sipped with some cheese, Some travelers lugging valises There once was a girl named Nedder, Do you have a cheese called Fromunda, A cheese that was aged and grey, The cheese-monger's daughter was fair, Why, Bonnie, it's nice to see you. Every thought in his head was "Gourmet". Illiterates, as a whole group, A professional cook got her wish At this inn on the Miramichi The naked chef demonstrated on TV; A barbeque fan, McIntyre. A talented young chef from Chile, Chopped nuts in a second? I've seen it. Waiter! My vichyssoise is cold! Said the chef of his meal, "Can't be beaten." Cook chickens and doves? Yes he can! A glance through my cook-book I took, You, Chef, are a total disgrace. There once was a woman named Bess One interesting thing seems quite clear: There was an old lady named Bly Oh why was a British physician In Two Egg, Florida, a cook, Hi In her kitchen she endlessly toils, She invented the name and it clicked, There was an old chef name of Hugh, There was a proud chef of MAYFAIR There was a young chef christened Etta, If unsatisfactory sex My long time lover, Milito, The chef in the Grosvenor's forte, In Dulac it is called Gumbo There was a convicted young felon She couldn't boil water. That's strange. An old seafaring RAPSCALLION There once was a Cajun "Chef Bing", Said our new kitchen queen (and she frowned), Sue Ellen who cooks for the Ritz, A French student, a boy named Jean-Luc, A cajun gourmet named LaSalle When prepping a dish, for to season, At the place that I favor to dine, As to the source of McDonalds' fame, Ann Moscovitch, could she make a blintze,
Some cultured vat of milk disease?
That's stuff that some eat,
Which smells like bad feet,
Yet costs quite a bit, if you please.
--- Chris Papa
Ate limburger cheese that was shitty.
But his darling wife, Jane,
Shoved it all down the drain,
And she stunk up the sewers in the city.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2309
He kept a supply in a box.
But his wife could not tell
Any difference in smell,
So she made him a lunch from old socks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2576
I suddenly felt very old.
The cheese was quite rancid
And not to be fancied,
But so's Barbara Cartland, I'm told.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Who lived in a fine and a right house.
To make limburger cheese
For this man was a breeze.
He took two pails of milk to the shite House.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2384
I suddenly felt very old.
The Cheese was decrepid
And moldy and tepid,
But so's Barbara Cartland, I'm told.
--- Bill Wall
A harlot for me spread her knees.
So I found my thrill
On blue brie hill,
A nice creamy helping of sleaze.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who had too many under his belt.
He backed into the fire;
The flames they grew higher;
And 'twas known as the first Paddy melt!
--- Steve Zink
That brings connoisseurs to their knee,
Where they will be pleading
To savor a feeding
Of Parmesan, Roquefort, and Brie.
--- Randog
A cheesemonger's shop in Paris,
Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
--- Peter Wilkins
Enjoyed it; alas though it messed her
Up, and she ran
Amok. Flung a flan:
The Cheddar cops had to arrest her.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Though she's not appealing to most.
However, I find
This gal to be kind;
Besides, she makes damn good cheese toast!
--- Anon
Is available now, if you please,
From your neighborhood deli;
It's ripe and it's smelly,
And oozes when given a squeeze.
--- Anon
Who was wrecked on a desolate rock.
He had nothing to eat
But the punk of his feet,
And the cheese from the end of his cock.
--- L0787
Paid the butcher extortionate faius; (fees)
And so much deceit
They suffered in miet (meat)
They'd better have dined upon chaius. (cheese)
--- Punch 1902, Vol 122, p342
Walked in to a grocer's named Lee.
He said, "If you blease,
Haff you any prick cheese?"
Said the grocer, "I'll skin back and see."
--- L0773
Give me some of your glorious cheese.
I've smelt it for miles
Coming over the stiles,
To your beautiful house on the Tees."
--- E V Knox
Advised how he made his selection;
It must smell like cunt
And I'll put it up front,
If it gives me a first-class erection.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3001
Would examine with care the whole lot.
He would make a selection
When he got an erection
From the cheese that smelled like a twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1295
Toted milk when she started to sneeze.
Standing there 'mid the flowers,
She sneezed for two hours;
When she opened the milk pail, 'twas cheese.
--- Thelma Westra P9302
Whose face grew redder and redder,
After he'd been told
That he'd just sold
Best Stilton to old Lord Tedder.
--- Georgina Bell
A woman becomes quite a tease.
It jiggles the brain,
But without any pain,
And knocks most men to their knees.
--- Elly Webb
Said, "Sir, could you tell us where Greece is?"
When he said, "But I'm Swiss,"
They said, "Tell us this:
How do you make holes in your cheeses?"
--- N M Bodecker P8911
Who was insanely mad about cheddar.
But once in a while
This TUROPHILE,
Ate gouda, 'cause its skin was redder.
--- Norm Brust
Inquired big-titted Amanda?
The seller of cheese
Gave her tits a big squeeze,
"Australia," then he went down under.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was walking and talking one day.
Said the cheese, "Kindly note
My mamma was a goat,
And I'm made out of curds, by the whey."
--- Young Lady Alice P0102
Although he and his wife had black hair.
Was she his or the baker's,
The candlestick maker's,
The butcher's or Jim's with Gruyere?
--- Peter Wilkins
I know that you've been making stew,
But now you've stopped cooking.
Well, you can keep looking,
And adding to this limerick grue.
--- Anon
He would cook all night and all day.
The sight of a kitchen,
Would start his mouth twitchin'
And he'd come in the brandy souffle.
--- Tom Patton P0609
Have little about which to stoop.
The one thing thay can't do
Which makes them the most blue,
Is appreciate alphabet soup.
--- Bruce
When a restaurant served up her dish
To a critic of note;
But the ignorant scrote
Said her efforts were amateurish.
--- David Morin
One can have any service for free --
Table d'hote, a la carte,
Fluffy dumplings, or tart --
If one has the appropriate key.
--- Keith MacMillan 32b
You won't see what you expect to see.
The food is all wrapped,
Before it's all slapped.
Censor said aprons should reach the knee.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
This is file etm
Said: "Matches are all I require."
His old buddy Larson
Would join him in arson,
And cook his own meal on the fire.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0410
Concocted a super hot chili.
After folks had a scoop,
Of this fiery soup,
They cried: "This Chilean chili's not chilly?"
--- The Sailor P0308
The damned thing is quick. I mean it!
Salad? -- Zip! -- a batch!
But here is the catch:
It takes thirty minutes to clean it.
--- John K Roberts P9302
This steak tartare's raw! And behold --
My pita bread's flat!
And blue cheese? But that
Is disgustingly covered with mould!
--- Anon
"It is deadly," said food chemist Seaton.
On his food the chef fed
And the newspaper said:
'Condemned Meal By Its Last Man Was Eaten.'
--- Al Chaplin P8810
They baste and saute in the pan.
His fowl roasting club,
No chef would dare snub.
It's suitably named "Coo Clucks Clan".
--- Anon
For a recipe fishy to cook;
Lobster, anchovies, salmon,
Or codfish and gammon
Or...gammon? (Strange cookery book!)
--- Peter Wilkins
I run a respectable place.
You can't do your job
With a twat on your gob,
So please take that cook off your face.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For whom holiday cooking meant stress.
Five puddings, ten turkeys.
A thousand beef jerkys --
Bess did tend to cook to excess.
--- Christine Brim
The number of cookbooks appear-
Ing for people to buy,
Is equalled by di-
Eting books, year after year.
--- Macsam
Who baked herself into a pie.
But it wasn't much fun
Not to see what she'd done,
So she left a small hole for one eye.
--- Lims Unlimited
Removed from his surgeon's position.
For botching brain surgury?
Medical perjury?
Croutons without cook's permission.
--- Anon
Needed six eggs for a pie. (Meringue)
So he went to the store,
To purchase some more,
But two eggs was all he could buy.
--- William K Alsop Jr
As she bakes and she blanches and boils.
And she parches and toasts,
And she browns and she roasts,
And she braises and poaches and broils.
--- Cap'n Bean P0410
Though her husband with treachery tricked.
On the morn of hid treason,
His wife asked, "What's the reason
Your not eating your eggs, Benedict?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9509
Who cooked up an animal stew,
And this may not be relavant,
But he added an elephant,
Yet the diners all asked, "Is this gnu?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2623
Whose tastes were exotic and rare:
He served spinach and gammon
And the roe of Scotch salmon,
And the holes of an ancient Gruyere.
--- The ABC Lim Book P0508
Who cooked up a large batch of goetta.
For this sort of food,
Glier's is very good,
But I bet ya that Etta's is bettah.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Compels you to seek and annex
A substitute squeeze,
Be careful that she's
As good a cook as your Ex.
--- Nick
Is a Spaniard, a true Gallego.
Just one hungry look,
He'll get out his cookbook,
To serve me hot Spanish chorizo.
--- Anon
Was goose stuffed with mushrooms and saute,
Potatoes and peas,
And following these,
Melon and iced lemon sorbe.
--- Anon
A spicy dish fixed just so.
With a spicy rue base,
It is seasoned to taste,
Just like a fire down below.
--- Anon
Who liked to eat honeydew melon.
For his very last meal,
He had melon with veal;
A request that had the chef yellin'.
--- Sam Shaffe P8704
So she took cooking lessons to change.
Now she's a gourmet
Baking creme brule,
Found her calling at home on the range.
--- Thomas M Patton P9901
Was the cook on a Spanish galleon.
The served up the crew
Horse testicle stew;
Recipe: ten potatoes, one stallion.
--- Norm Brust
Whose spicy repasts flamed with zing.
When diners ate lakeside,
Chef watched with great pride
As into the water they'd spring.
--- Pencraft
"Though I loike yez roight down to the ground,
I give yez my warnin',
I'm leavin' this mornin',
For I only dropped in to look round."
--- Carolyn Wells P9911
Has a figure that gives the guys fits.
Although this Southern beauty
Has a lovely round booty,
She's really best known for her grits.
--- Parker Waterman P0108
Is oft found with his head in a book.
Not gendarmes or police,
Not even "War and Peace";
He was trying to learn how to cook!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Is the chef at that place on Canal.
He puts lots of spice
On your red beans and rice,
And makes lightning shoot out of your bowel!
--- VOL 1 a
Avoid culinary high treason.
Whether you braise or fry,
Include garlic. And why?
'Cause garlic does not need a reason!
--- Anon
The wine greets my lips, it's just fine.
The girls wear short dresses;
They have gorgeous tresses;
The thought of going there makes me pine.
--- Ken Selin
The conservatists are there, to blame:
When it comes to the food,
They don't care if it's good,
Just as long as it's always the same.
--- Graig Gigol P0406
That was fit for a king or a prince.
Since a royal very good,
She's made mountains of food;
Royalty hasn't been seen again since!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
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