Are you talking of Limburger cheese,
Some cultured vat of milk disease?
That's stuff that some eat,
Which smells like bad feet,
Yet costs quite a bit, if you please.
--- Chris Papa

An avid cheese lover named Smitty
Ate limburger cheese that was shitty.
But his darling wife, Jane,
Shoved it all down the drain,
And she stunk up the sewers in the city.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2309

A limburger lover was Fox;
He kept a supply in a box.
But his wife could not tell
Any difference in smell,
So she made him a lunch from old socks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2576

Whilst eating a piece of Lymeswold,
I suddenly felt very old.
The cheese was quite rancid
And not to be fancied,
But so's Barbara Cartland, I'm told.
--- Kevin Hale Q

There was a cheese maker named Titehouse,
Who lived in a fine and a right house.
To make limburger cheese
For this man was a breeze.
He took two pails of milk to the shite House.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2384

While eating a piece of Lymeswold,
I suddenly felt very old.
The Cheese was decrepid
And moldy and tepid,
But so's Barbara Cartland, I'm told.
--- Bill Wall

On top of a mountain of cheese,
A harlot for me spread her knees.
So I found my thrill
On blue brie hill,
A nice creamy helping of sleaze.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a young Irish Celt,
Who had too many under his belt.
He backed into the fire;
The flames they grew higher;
And 'twas known as the first Paddy melt!
--- Steve Zink

She hosts her own cheese potpourri
That brings connoisseurs to their knee,
Where they will be pleading
To savor a feeding
Of Parmesan, Roquefort, and Brie.
--- Randog

One Sunday morning at three,
A cheesemonger's shop in Paris,
Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
--- Peter Wilkins

A lady once ate some red Leicester,
Enjoyed it; alas though it messed her
Up, and she ran
Amok. Flung a flan:
The Cheddar cops had to arrest her.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Serena is known coast-to-coast,
Though she's not appealing to most.
However, I find
This gal to be kind;
Besides, she makes damn good cheese toast!
--- Anon

She certainly does; and her cheese
Is available now, if you please,
From your neighborhood deli;
It's ripe and it's smelly,
And oozes when given a squeeze.
--- Anon

There was an old sailor named Jock,
Who was wrecked on a desolate rock.
He had nothing to eat
But the punk of his feet,
And the cheese from the end of his cock.
--- L0787

A cook in the College of Caius (Keys)
Paid the butcher extortionate faius; (fees)
And so much deceit
They suffered in miet (meat)
They'd better have dined upon chaius. (cheese)

(overcharged for 8000 pounds [money])
--- Punch 1902, Vol 122, p342

A dutchman who dwelt in Dundee,
Walked in to a grocer's named Lee.
He said, "If you blease,
Haff you any prick cheese?"
Said the grocer, "I'll skin back and see."
--- L0773

There was a young man who said "Please,
Give me some of your glorious cheese.
I've smelt it for miles
Coming over the stiles,
To your beautiful house on the Tees."
--- E V Knox

A man who knew cheese to perfection
Advised how he made his selection;
It must smell like cunt
And I'll put it up front,
If it gives me a first-class erection.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3001

When purchasing cheese, Mr.Scott
Would examine with care the whole lot.
He would make a selection
When he got an erection
From the cheese that smelled like a twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1295

A milkmaid whose name was Louise
Toted milk when she started to sneeze.
Standing there 'mid the flowers,
She sneezed for two hours;
When she opened the milk pail, 'twas cheese.
--- Thelma Westra P9302

There was a young lad from Cheddar,
Whose face grew redder and redder,
After he'd been told
That he'd just sold
Best Stilton to old Lord Tedder.
--- Georgina Bell

When cider is sipped with some cheese,
A woman becomes quite a tease.
It jiggles the brain,
But without any pain,
And knocks most men to their knees.
--- Elly Webb

Some travelers lugging valises
Said, "Sir, could you tell us where Greece is?"
When he said, "But I'm Swiss,"
They said, "Tell us this:
How do you make holes in your cheeses?"
--- N M Bodecker P8911

There once was a girl named Nedder,
Who was insanely mad about cheddar.
But once in a while
Ate gouda, 'cause its skin was redder.
--- Norm Brust

Do you have a cheese called Fromunda,
Inquired big-titted Amanda?
The seller of cheese
Gave her tits a big squeeze,
"Australia," then he went down under.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A cheese that was aged and grey,
Was walking and talking one day.
Said the cheese, "Kindly note
My mamma was a goat,
And I'm made out of curds, by the whey."
--- Young Lady Alice P0102

The cheese-monger's daughter was fair,
Although he and his wife had black hair.
Was she his or the baker's,
The candlestick maker's,
The butcher's or Jim's with Gruyere?
--- Peter Wilkins

Why, Bonnie, it's nice to see you.
I know that you've been making stew,
But now you've stopped cooking.
Well, you can keep looking,
And adding to this limerick grue.
--- Anon

Every thought in his head was "Gourmet".
He would cook all night and all day.
The sight of a kitchen,
Would start his mouth twitchin'
And he'd come in the brandy souffle.
--- Tom Patton P0609

Illiterates, as a whole group,
Have little about which to stoop.
The one thing thay can't do
Which makes them the most blue,
Is appreciate alphabet soup.
--- Bruce

A professional cook got her wish
When a restaurant served up her dish
To a critic of note;
But the ignorant scrote
Said her efforts were amateurish.
--- David Morin

At this inn on the Miramichi
One can have any service for free --
Table d'hote, a la carte,
Fluffy dumplings, or tart --
If one has the appropriate key.
--- Keith MacMillan 32b

The naked chef demonstrated on TV;
You won't see what you expect to see.
The food is all wrapped,
Before it's all slapped.
Censor said aprons should reach the knee.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

This is file etm

A barbeque fan, McIntyre.
Said: "Matches are all I require."
His old buddy Larson
Would join him in arson,
And cook his own meal on the fire.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0410

A talented young chef from Chile,
Concocted a super hot chili.
After folks had a scoop,
Of this fiery soup,
They cried: "This Chilean chili's not chilly?"
--- The Sailor P0308

Chopped nuts in a second? I've seen it.
The damned thing is quick. I mean it!
Salad? -- Zip! -- a batch!
But here is the catch:
It takes thirty minutes to clean it.
--- John K Roberts P9302

Waiter! My vichyssoise is cold!
This steak tartare's raw! And behold --
My pita bread's flat!
And blue cheese? But that
Is disgustingly covered with mould!
--- Anon

Said the chef of his meal, "Can't be beaten."
"It is deadly," said food chemist Seaton.
On his food the chef fed
And the newspaper said:
'Condemned Meal By Its Last Man Was Eaten.'
--- Al Chaplin P8810

Cook chickens and doves? Yes he can!
They baste and saute in the pan.
His fowl roasting club,
No chef would dare snub.
It's suitably named "Coo Clucks Clan".
--- Anon

A glance through my cook-book I took,
For a recipe fishy to cook;
Lobster, anchovies, salmon,
Or codfish and gammon
Or...gammon? (Strange cookery book!)
--- Peter Wilkins

You, Chef, are a total disgrace.
I run a respectable place.
You can't do your job
With a twat on your gob,
So please take that cook off your face.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a woman named Bess
For whom holiday cooking meant stress.
Five puddings, ten turkeys.
A thousand beef jerkys --
Bess did tend to cook to excess.
--- Christine Brim

One interesting thing seems quite clear:
The number of cookbooks appear-
Ing for people to buy,
Is equalled by di-
Eting books, year after year.
--- Macsam

There was an old lady named Bly
Who baked herself into a pie.
But it wasn't much fun
Not to see what she'd done,
So she left a small hole for one eye.
--- Lims Unlimited

Oh why was a British physician
Removed from his surgeon's position.
For botching brain surgury?
Medical perjury?
Croutons without cook's permission.
--- Anon

In Two Egg, Florida, a cook, Hi
Needed six eggs for a pie. (Meringue)
So he went to the store,
To purchase some more,
But two eggs was all he could buy.
--- William K Alsop Jr

In her kitchen she endlessly toils,
As she bakes and she blanches and boils.
And she parches and toasts,
And she browns and she roasts,
And she braises and poaches and broils.
--- Cap'n Bean P0410

She invented the name and it clicked,
Though her husband with treachery tricked.
On the morn of hid treason,
His wife asked, "What's the reason
Your not eating your eggs, Benedict?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9509

There was an old chef name of Hugh,
Who cooked up an animal stew,
And this may not be relavant,
But he added an elephant,
Yet the diners all asked, "Is this gnu?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2623

There was a proud chef of MAYFAIR
Whose tastes were exotic and rare:
He served spinach and gammon
And the roe of Scotch salmon,
And the holes of an ancient Gruyere.
--- The ABC Lim Book P0508

There was a young chef christened Etta,
Who cooked up a large batch of goetta.
For this sort of food,
Glier's is very good,
But I bet ya that Etta's is bettah.
--- William K Alsop Jr

If unsatisfactory sex
Compels you to seek and annex
A substitute squeeze,
Be careful that she's
As good a cook as your Ex.
--- Nick

My long time lover, Milito,
Is a Spaniard, a true Gallego.
Just one hungry look,
He'll get out his cookbook,
To serve me hot Spanish chorizo.
--- Anon

The chef in the Grosvenor's forte,
Was goose stuffed with mushrooms and saute,
Potatoes and peas,
And following these,
Melon and iced lemon sorbe.
--- Anon

In Dulac it is called Gumbo
A spicy dish fixed just so.
With a spicy rue base,
It is seasoned to taste,
Just like a fire down below.
--- Anon

There was a convicted young felon
Who liked to eat honeydew melon.
For his very last meal,
He had melon with veal;
A request that had the chef yellin'.
--- Sam Shaffe P8704

She couldn't boil water. That's strange.
So she took cooking lessons to change.
Now she's a gourmet
Baking creme brule,
Found her calling at home on the range.
--- Thomas M Patton P9901

An old seafaring RAPSCALLION
Was the cook on a Spanish galleon.
The served up the crew
Horse testicle stew;
Recipe: ten potatoes, one stallion.
--- Norm Brust

There once was a Cajun "Chef Bing",
Whose spicy repasts flamed with zing.
When diners ate lakeside,
Chef watched with great pride
As into the water they'd spring.
--- Pencraft

Said our new kitchen queen (and she frowned),
"Though I loike yez roight down to the ground,
I give yez my warnin',
I'm leavin' this mornin',
For I only dropped in to look round."
--- Carolyn Wells P9911

Sue Ellen who cooks for the Ritz,
Has a figure that gives the guys fits.
Although this Southern beauty
Has a lovely round booty,
She's really best known for her grits.
--- Parker Waterman P0108

A French student, a boy named Jean-Luc,
Is oft found with his head in a book.
Not gendarmes or police,
Not even "War and Peace";
He was trying to learn how to cook!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A cajun gourmet named LaSalle
Is the chef at that place on Canal.
He puts lots of spice
On your red beans and rice,
And makes lightning shoot out of your bowel!
--- VOL 1 a

When prepping a dish, for to season,
Avoid culinary high treason.
Whether you braise or fry,
Include garlic. And why?
'Cause garlic does not need a reason!
--- Anon

At the place that I favor to dine,
The wine greets my lips, it's just fine.
The girls wear short dresses;
They have gorgeous tresses;
The thought of going there makes me pine.
--- Ken Selin

As to the source of McDonalds' fame,
The conservatists are there, to blame:
When it comes to the food,
They don't care if it's good,
Just as long as it's always the same.
--- Graig Gigol P0406

Ann Moscovitch, could she make a blintze,
That was fit for a king or a prince.
Since a royal very good,
She's made mountains of food;
Royalty hasn't been seen again since!
--- Arthur Pattaffy