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My cave's a shrine to Attila, Attila's a good friend of mine But why are you pissed off at me? You're too late, he's invaded me! Is David, at John Miller, pissed There's a George of the Georges named David "Dr. Johnson, You smell, I do think," Guy Fawkes was destined to lose, The English were hardly amused... A dysfunctional diarist called Pepys A punctilious parson call Pepys It seems that at night-time he sleeps, There once was a diarist named Pepys, At night, round the house this man crepys, That diarist gives me the creeps; As Sam Pepys never was known to shun It's claimed that Parr's place in the Abbey, (Thomas Parr age 152 buried in Westminster Abbey 1635)
Old Sir Walter, it seems didn't see Walter Raleigh was one of those folk That puddle is almost a lake; Whoever, whatever you tread, Sir Winston, political star, Few thought he was even a starter, Winston Churchill was great, all agree; Sir Winston, improperly dressed, For escapades Clarrie's quite willing, With contemp, the duke did DERIDE Godiva paid taxes by charm, As nude Lady Godiva, Miss Paul, Godiva, the lass with long hair, INSUPERABLE things make for pride, Godiva, both modest and fairest, When Godiva's P.R. at its peak, When Lady Godiva last year When asked about Lady Godiva, "Strip", Leofric said, "and you'll find Lady Godiva was quipping That woman named Lady Godiva "What a fine pair of buttocks," said Ivor Her sidesaddle progress was slow; The townspeople's eyes would all pop, Lady Godiva's hung stallion In transposition, horse becomes PRAD, Voluptuous Lady Godiva A young lass was swifly arrested Godiva, The Lady rode bare For her horse she refused any tack; We thought that the nags flowing mane She sat on that horse, with aplomb, She rode naked, but not to earn cash, The legend claims Lady Godiva Considered sublime was the Khan, For miles, they recorded the banks They staked out the River Alph's edge, Khan's garden was glorious, green; Wet Alph ran through channels and streams, The oldest of trees, thereabout, Khan stationed his guards all around, As though his were god-given rules, But oh! How romantic 'twas told, From cedar to cedar she cried Not far from the place where she cried, Ejecting odd mixtures of rocks, Just after those rapids it rushed, It trickled through caverns of stone, Though Alph's tumbling waters were loud,
The Hun, a muderous killer;
I wish he'd return
To this hold and earn
Ten bucks to invade John Miller.
--- David Miller
Who won't be caught dead at your shrine,
But might be persuaded
To have YOU invaded
For beer or a bottle of wine.
--- John Miller
I harbor no malice for thee.
It would do you more good
To play with your wood,
Or piss on the stump of a tree.
--- John Miller
While peeing on the stump of a tree.
And I know the swine
Was drunk on cheap wine,
Which I think has been bought by thee.
--- David Miller
Over something that doesn't exist.
And will he abstain
From pulling John's chain,
Or will he with rudeness, persist?
--- Observer
With whose words we are now night and day fed.
He cries: I'll give small rations
To all the small nations.
Bully God made this world -- but I'll save it.
--- James Joyce P9008
Said a lady who felt in the pink;
But the dictionary maker
A peg down did take her:
"No, madam, You smell, but I stink."
--- Tony Davie P9808
But the lesson he learned we can muse.
Hung and slaughtered,
Drawn and quartered;
Should have used a much shorter fuse.
--- Richard Long
Thought themselve awfully ill-used,
By Pearse who cried, "Leave
This land you make grieve...
Land you have battered and bruised!"
--- Tutta Gioia
Didn't log deeds in years that were leaps.
Thus three fourths of his acts
Became widely know facts,
While a fourth of his secrets he keeps!
--- Prof M-G TP9901
Kept a diary in years that were leaps.
Now parishoners read
He was perfect in deed,
But three-fourths of his secrets are keeps!
--- Prof M-G
And in daylight he secretly keeps
Himself busy by writing
'Bout sightings exciting...
I wonders if Samuel Pepys?
--- Peter Wilkins
Who wrote about London in heaps.
When the fire had died down,
Pepys went about town
And culled tales that give one the creeps.
--- Hugh Powell
To a room where a young lady slepys.
To the keyhole he presses
His eye; she undresses,
And quite unaware Samuel Pepys.
--- Tiddy Ogg
At each comely woman he leaps,
And let him arive at
A chamber marked 'private',
Well, just see how old Samuel Pepys!
--- C Harding P9802
Hard work for the navy, so none
Spent more time in the hunt
For a suitable cunt,
Because sailors, of course, have more fun.
--- A N Wilkins P8601
Is causing the Shrine to be shabby.
If a fraud's been interred,
The Church would be stirred,
And the Nobles would been more than crabby.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8511
How sadistic his Queen Liz could be.
Fifteen years what he dreaded
Happened. Beheaded!
His fate lacking alacrity.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0303
Who always enjoy a good smoke,
And indeed was the type
Who finished a pipe
As he knelt for the headsman's sharp stroke.
--- A N Wilkins P9202
I shall do me a quick Francis Drake.
(Or it may have been Walter
Who threw in the water,
His cloak for his lady's fair sake.)
--- Peter Wilkins
Fair lady, my cloak will be spread.
I'll strew petal of roses
Wherever you goeses...
Whoever said romance was dead?
--- Peter Wilkins
Could keep secrets, and so he went far.
"I know that loose lips
Can surely sink ships,
But they'll never release my cigar."
--- Younger Brother
There were many who thought themselves smarter,
But he ended PM,
CH and OM,
An earl and a Knight of the Garter.
--- Penguin Dictionary P2005
The noblest of his century.
But his less noble side
Thought rich friends should provide
Free champagne and yacht cruises at sea.
--- Warrick Elrod
Walked out; some old gal, not impressed,
Said "Sir, close your flies!"
And Churchill replies:
"Dead birds don't fall out of their nest."
--- Anon
And riding naked is thrilling.
What Lady Godiva
Would do for a fiver,
Clarissa will do for a shilling.
--- Anon
The Coventry tax protest of bride.
He did not envision
His act of derision
Would prompt nude Godiva to ride.
--- Daniel Ford
When pay-as-you-go was the norm.
The revenue clerks
Had appreciative smirks,
For the neat way she filled out her form.
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
Showed up at a masquerade ball...
All the hot fellows went to
And began getting into
What was one time her old finger stall!
--- Grand Prix Lim 640
Had to ride on a horse and stay bare.
So she let her hair down
As a substitute gown,
And gave her horse blinkers to wear.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Or perhaps a few remarks snide,
Like the one counted
Of nude lady mounted,
Known as Lady Godiva's ride.
--- Chris Papa
By peeping Toms harried and harassed,
When she rode in the nude,
Loosed her hair from its snood
To keep her from being em-bare-assed.
--- Lance Payne P8312
The hype was sufficient to pique
Tom's interest in tail.
The traditional tale
Thus explains his notorious peek.
--- A N Wilkins P9112
This is file ram
Rode her Harley through Coventry here,
The constables looked
And had the lass booked
For not wearing protective head gear.
--- A N Wilkins P8312A
Her husband, the Lord, said, "God, I've a
Wife with no clothes--
Now everyone knows
That I am an under-provider."
--- Irving Superior P9212
I'll take off the tax you've in mind."
So Godiva, she streaked,
And nobody peeked,
Except Peeping Tom, who went blind.
--- Harry Thomas
About all the clothes she was skipping;
"When I get a quick lay
From my sixteen-hand bay,
I save lots of time by not stripping."
--- Actaeon
Wore nothing at all that would hide her.
When she let down her hair,
She left much that was bare
So men would continue to eye her.
--- Warrick Elrod
At the nude vision of Lady Godiva.
But his sexual preference
Meant that his reference
Was to the vehicle and not the driver!
--- H Myers A
No track tout would rate her a pro.
Said Godiva, "I rode
While the townspeople oh'd;
Not to win or to place, but to show!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Every time Ms. Godiva would stop.
'Twas by no means her bare back
That made all them stare back;
'Twas the fact that the horse was on top!
--- Rowdy Jack
Was Latin, he neighed in Italian.
His "Dolce biscotti"
Got her all hotty;
For Equis she dumped the batallion.
Some thought of which I can be glad:
And erstwhile Godiva
Caused drooling saliva,
While parading on her prad unclad.
--- Daniel Ford
Made Coventry's menfolk saliva....
Her naked horse ride
Had a tax nullifed,
But destroyed Peeping Tom's conjuctiva!
--- Prof M-G TP9901
For riding on horseback bare breasted.
I'll bet you a fiver,
'Twas Lady Godiva!
Lucky too, that she wasn't molested!
--- Jayne
Through streets where the people would stare;
Her protesting ride
On all that horsehide
Rubbed off every trace of cunt hair.
--- Anon
Instead chose to ride him bareback.
She liked how it felt,
When it's nice hairy pelt,
Would move back and forth in her crack.
--- Anon
The Lady did treat with disdain.
But upon dismount,
We did a hair count,
And found we were counting in vain.
--- Frank
Despite protestations from mom.
All traffic did stop,
You could hear needles drop,
And also a peep from young Tom.
--- Anon
For some cause, it was not just to flash.
At the end of the course,
They did find her poor horse
Had developed a nasty skin rash.
--- Travis Brasell
'Neath tresses stayed modest, but I've a
Suspicion that Tom,
Who peeped with aplomb,
Saw plenty to build up saliva.
--- Randog
Who said to his men, "Build a lawn,
And sow it with seed,
And do it with speed."
So hearing, they left, and were gone.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Of the River, to whom they gave thanks,
For water that's sweet,
Where Khan dipped his feet,
Off ramps with high roofs and long planks.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And put in a watering ditch,
And planted some trees,
And thus they did please
The Khan who observed from a ledge.
--- Matthew Montchalin
It measured across to the mean,
Some five and half miles;
It rivaled the Nile's
Great treasures, both seen and unseen.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Through crevices, cracks, and down seams,
Over rapids and falls,
Down cold canyon walls,
Where only the moon casts its beams.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Abundant therein and throughout,
They grew in a stand,
Long tended by hand,
With vines and sweet songbirds endowed.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Protecting its rich hallowed ground,
Its flowers and trees,
And so it did please,
The way the birds looked, and their sound.
--- Matthew Montchalin
He ordered magnificent pools
Be built with a dome,
Then fill for a home
To fish that swam circles in schools.
--- Matthew Montchalin
How a ghost of a woman from old,
Did wail through the night
Until the first light,
And looked for her lover to hold.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And called out, she was his true bride,
For her home just ahead
Was a demon she'd wed,
Disappearing right where it grows wide.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Was a crack where the Earth heaved and sighed;
That vent blew out air,
Wet sprays in a flare,
Expelling great jets on the side.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Of riverstones, boulders and blocks,
Which flow, although stone,
And danced as if thrown,
So piling to form river locks.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Meandering, gurgling, it gushed,
Then whiled its own way,
Five miles in a day,
Through valleys and hills till it hushed.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Down deep to a distance unknown,
Admittedly quite deep,
Through falls that were steep,
So joining a netherworld zone.
--- Matthew Montchalin
The Khan listened keenly and bowed,
And said to his men,
Strange axels did spin;
An army approached, strong and proud.
--- Matthew Montchalin
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