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A young porno star name of Sue Last night I went out to the movies; That film with Sarah Michelle Gellar? No heart made of stone is our Sharon; Sharon Stone is so icily stunning, While filming some grade B adventure, That actress, Miss Shirley Maclaine The good ship they call Lollipop There was a young owlet called Tawny, I was fingering Susan Sarandon The movie star queen Theda Bara, Thurman thought that her tests were ideal, Said a young Marine sergeant named Blake Said Vanessa, "It's what I won't take. A Hollywood actor named Jake A lovely young lass named Winona On this date was born Demi Moore, I hear that she hails from Roswell, Now what you say may be true; From bed, Gwyneth Paltrow discloses, "Now Moses is out, I'm much thinner," I've always loved women named Haley. When I was but a lad in my teens, When young, Hedy could make men crave, But old tempus fugit's for all. Nicole wed Keith Urban because The guests must've smoked a few cones, Said Keith Urban "This wedding hustle I starred in a movie with Rose Last night, I was gobsmacked to see some But sadly that soon was a chore A Hollywood stalker named Ernie Ellen Ripley, "believe it or not", If Bush won, I swore that I'd leave. It appears the INS can't win. (Anacani - singer on Lawrence Welk TV show)
Efficiency's Barrymore's forte; Ben Affleck is now in rehab; Bryan, a beard groomer from Bristol, There was a young lady named Harriet, There once was a crooner named Bing. A terrible singer named Bing, Report on a flick starring Brad: It seems that I failed to impress Cary Grant, long before he would marry, When his plane hit a storm and crash-landed, When Clay was just a small tyke, It's the holiday season, I know, Let's not forget old Charlie Heston Christian Slater got into a fight, The Oscars next year will just floor us. On Pitcairn Isle let me be. An underwear maker named Kurtz A servant employed in Lahore Said Clark Gable, picking his nose, Clark Gable once said Sophie Tucker A handsome young actor from Brussels Clint Eastwood was famous for gunning, Two critics called Ebert and Siskel DiCaprio is in a panic. Dustin Hoffman's a film hall-of-famer; Many Oscar results should be tossed -- Ed Wood did so many things wrong: Ed Wood has returned to produce (Ed Wood - Hollywood C movie director)
It's a hell of a fix that we're in, There once was a gal named Lynn, My wife has reneged on her promise
Was a hit when it came to a screw.
Her climactic fame spread
With promotions that said,
"Coming Soon, to a Theatre Near You".
--- Lims For Year - 01
Practical Magic was really quite groovy.
Sandra Bullock did star
In a romance that was far
From the norm, but ended approvey.
--- Anon
I think I threw it in the cellar.
Now I'll turn on the lights
And forget all the frights,
And return to enjoying "Old Yeller".
--- Steve Schrader
To bolster her fame she was darin'.
She sat in a chair
With no underwear
And had all her movie fans starin'.
--- Satori
Not to mention deceptive and cunning,
A woman like she
Could make any man flee,
But he sure would look back while he's running.
--- Larry Dahl A
Shelly Winters lost half of her denture,
While giving some head
To a Key Grip named Fred.
(The scene was cut out by the Censor.)
--- John Chastaine T9710
Will often play roles so inane
That they're trying to book her
For the role of a hooker
Who likes to make love in the rain.
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8205
Is just like a kid's candy shop,
Where, if you can play
Your cards the right way,
You'll be Shirley's sweet Sugar Pop!
--- Anon
Who longed for that actress Sigourney.
"Weaver's my name
And hooters my game!"
Said Sig, getting Tawny all horny.
--- Anon
When I thought I could get my whole hand in.
It soon became clear,
If Glen Miller was here,
I'm sure I could fit the whole band in.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was born in the desert Sahara.
It was, was it not,
The Oasis of Twat?
And what, might we ask, could be fairer?
--- Conrad Aiken
But the screener said, Uma, we feel
That you're not right for Gattaca:
So head back to Attica.
This gene's not the proper allele.
--- Rory Ewins Q
Whose lust no six women could slake,
"On the sea for my nation
But for my vacation,
A week on Veronica Lake."
--- Clifford M Christ P8302
The report of my death was a fake.
I wasn't drowned,
And I wasn't found
Face down in Veronica Lake.
--- Tom Patton P9806
Was missing right after a take.
The cast gathered 'round him
The moment they found him
Face down on Veronica Lake.
--- David Miller
In "Dracula" had somehow grown a
Sharp new pair of teeth,
But she is underneath,
A little woman fresh from Pomona.
--- Satori
An actress I truly adore.
This favorite of mine
Is now thirty-nine,
And her bod takes my mind off the war.
--- Observer
Which I find of interest 'cause, well --
If it's alien genes
And not sugical means,
Would you call her a "natural" bra-swell?
--- Dr Limerick
It's something that I will persue.
I'll write her a letter
And try hard to get her
To permit a closer review.
--- Observer
"Childbirth's simply no bed of roses,
For when labor started,
My water, babe parted,
So that's why the bastard's called Moses."
--- David Miller
Said the 'Shakespeare in Love' Oscar winner,
'Cause Chris took a broom
And cleaned out my womb,
Then fried the placenta for dinner."
--- David Miller
(Miss Mills had me wanking thrice daily.)
And still, to this day,
At syllable Ha,
I reach for my taught ukelele.
--- Anon
Hayley M. was the girl of my dreams.
Along with Annette,
A rise they would get,
When they danced on the Silver Screen.
--- Anon
And most would all objections waive,
For the chance that the sap
Might get in her lap,
Though it might include a good shave.
--- Chris Papa
First Vic Mature answered the call.
Now Hedy the fair,
Let's hope they're both where
Samson and friend can have a ball.
--- Chris Papa
They both had been brought up in Oz!
And though Keith behaved,
He wasn't clean-shaved,
But quite sure Nicole Kidman was.
'Cause Tom Cruise was digging up bones;
While Baz threw spaghetti
Instead of confetti,
And Russel threw punches and phones.
And bustle might end with a tussle!
And 'cause Nicole moans,
I've banned mobile phones;
We just didn't want to tempt Russel."
Who struck-up one hell of a pose,
Then closing her eyes.
Yelled "Gimme that prize!"
But then it all went up her nose.
--- SFA
Hot porn of a gal in a threesome.
The money shot showed
Two woodies explode,
In showers as she screamed, "Release 'em!"
--- SFA
I just couldn't do any more.
Things came to a head
When the director said,
"Get ready for take twenty-four!"
--- SFA
Tried to secretly follow Sigourney.
When his body stops bleeding,
He's going to be needing
Some surgury and an attorney.
--- Larry Hollister
Has returned in the 4th movie's plot.
When that alien pest
Poked its head through her chest,
She was dead, or at least so I thought!
--- Larry Hollister
This is file rsm
From that promise, there is no reprieve.
Now I have to go,
And guess what? Ho, ho, ho!
Russel Crowe's here to help sweet Kim grieve.
--- Daniel Wackerly
In years past Mexican folks have been
Most welcomed and sought
And show biz moguls brought
Anacani and Anthony Quinn.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0608
It even goes into foreplay.
While getting Sue hot
By diddling her twat,
He studies his lines for Broadway.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
To the press someone had to blab.
He put up his gin,
And checked himself in.
Now who's going to pick up the tab.
--- Julie Wiskirchen
Was grooming the beard of Bill Crystal.
Then in walked his hero,
Roberto de Niro,
Who then shot them both with a pistol.
--- Phil T
Who dreamed she'd been raped in a chariot,
By the Man in the Moon,
Sir Phillip Sassoon,
Bing Crosby, and Judas Iscariot,
--- Anon
Man Oh Man could that charming lad sing.
With his partner named Bob,
He became a heart throb;
In the girls' steps, he put quite a spring.
--- Grafixres1
One evening insisted he'd sing.
So we asked him to stoop,
Put his head in a loop,
And pulled at each end of the string.
--- Anon
His acting - incredibly bad;
His lines - mainly dirty,
The ingenue - purty,
The sex scenes - completely unclad.
--- Armand Singer
Lord d'Urbeville's posh daughter Tess;
She said, "Fuck off, shit.
You ain't no Brad Pitt;
You're more like his foul brother Cess."
--- Tiddy Ogg
In New Mexican brothels would tarry,
There to pay double price,
For he'd bed the girl twice,
And so, lovingly dubbed, "Two-Come-Cary".
--- Bob Giandomenico P9711
This man found that he had been stranded.
All signs pointed toward
Yet another award,
But the Oscars left him empty-handed.
--- Anon
Said he, "I can't be a dyke."
I pull my johnson;
Wish I were Charles Bronson;
But still, that's what I look like.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So after a few lines of snow,
I'll be sufficiently high
To head downtown and buy
My three favorite gifts: Ho, ho, ho.
--- Anon
Whose Soylent Green taught us a lesson.
If ever you snack
You could choke it back,
Since your treat might be an intestine.
--- Fredrico Albana
But things didn't end up quite right.
He adopted the quirks
Of celebrity jerks,
Known not for their charm, but their bite.
--- Frank Spectre
For fighting Rex Tyrannosaurus,
Then maiming some Commies,
And humping their mommies:
Life Achievement Award to Chuck Norris.
--- Martin Wellborn P9310
My hobby is The Mutiny.
The Bounty, Fletcher, Bligh,
The other reason why --
Folks say that Gable looks like me.
--- Irving Superior P9411
Said, "One movie with Clark Gable hurts.
When he shows up bare chested,
It's clearly suggested
That he-men don't wear undershirts."
--- A N Wilkins P8802
Cursed his parents' affinity for
Gable's "Gone With the Wind"
For this never will end:
"Rhett, butler, will show you the door."
--- Cyber Geezer
"I get more than the public suppose.
Take the Hollywood way,
It's the women who pay,
And the men simply take off their clothes."
--- L1043
Resisted when he tried to fuck her.
And so when instead
She gave Gable head,
He said the line, "So long....sucker!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Excelled in karate and muscles.
His films had sweet dames
And romantic flames,
But mostly spectacular tussles.
--- Darel
Thus keeping the bad guys from running;
But his life rearranged
When he got his sex changed,
Joined the church, took some vows, and went nunning.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Are giants in film matters fiscal.
If they up their thumbs,
A huge audience comes,
If they down them, a movie may risk all.
--- Prof M-G T9710
He has becaome a real manic.
Some movie fans said
That he was giving head,
Since he went down on the Titanic.
--- Tom Patton P0412
I can say this without a disclaimer.
He's on Seinfeld this week
With his pal, Meryl Streep,
In a Kramer vs Kramer vs Kramer.
--- Larry Hollister
The Academy must have been sauced.
Hoffman won the thing twice:
"Rain" and "Kramer", that's nice.
But it hurts that his "Tootsie" role lost.
--- Larry Hollister
In movies, drama, and song.
His musical worst
Was Catharine the First,
With Kate sung by Anna May Wong.
--- Bluebird TP9806
A musical 'bout child abuse.
Through dancing and song,
You'll learn what went wrong,
And why DAVE, THE HERMIT, became a recluse.
--- Bluebird TP9806
When the geographical spread of the urge to sin
Causes juvenile delinquency,
With increasing frequency,
By the Army, the Navy, and Errol Flynn.
--- L1607
Who thought of sex as a sin.
But an actor named Errol
Made her pretty head whirl,
And then he was in like Flynn.
--- Birch P9805
To take me down South to St. Thomas.
We got into a fight
And she booked the next flight,
Now she's going with Fernando Lamas.
--- Mark A Smeby
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